I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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