Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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