my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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