i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
