We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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