I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
