I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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