you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
