My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
