Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
