Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
