just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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