I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
