He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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