I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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