I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
