Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
