it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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