The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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