My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
