Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
