Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
