He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
