come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
