he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Even my vagina gasped.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
