I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
