Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
