her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
