Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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