So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Terrible idea I love it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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