you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
