the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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