You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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