The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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