are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
