Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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