bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
