you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
someone owes me an orgasm
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
