I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
