I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will be naked everywhere
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
