wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
