Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
