Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
