But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
