you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
