Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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