he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
