Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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