I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
