bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
