he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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