The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
