I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
