btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
